Thursday, March 09, 2017

Trying to keep my shit together since I thought today was friday.

I've had my first second time around kindy fails this week, well today actually apart from thinking all day today was Friday and only finding out it isn't at school pick up, we've had some heaps of wins but today we failed, I failed to realise today was Thursday and on Thursdays is library day and guess what was not taken to school today, yep you guessed it the library bag and Gabi told me about it when I was chopping up the veggies for dinner at 5pm.
She told me that she was the only child that had forgotten and this insane amount of guilt washed over me + the words #fuck.

You see I thought I had all this shit under control because its the bloody second time around, I should have it all in control or at least pretend I do!!!! yeah.
I have a note on the fridge saying whats happening at school for each day this morning I did not read it.

Having two kids in school, one in daycare + me working type control that comes with having all your shit together we don't I mean I don't, occasionally it looks like we 100%  do especially when I'm on time to drop off all the kids + get to work on time but really deep deep down its not, I forget to sign notes, information meetings, band rehearsals (because lets be honest who wants to sit inside a  hall at 745am when its cold and raining with two other kids running around.), to pack my own lunch for work ( grateful it was me not them), if I feed the dog.

Today my shit was not together hopefully tomorrow is.
Now to serve dinner, start bedtime routine and try not to pass out while singing twinkle twinkle for the 14315695 time so I can got to the gym.

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Thursday, November 24, 2016

I am going to be raw,
I am struggling, I am struggling heaps with this move, with the girls having chicken pox,
with just doing everything mostly on my own.
Struggling with words said to me, things I forget to do or never get around to do and everything I know I need to do.
With all this sadness I have in my heart, all the over drive thinking.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Life got in the way.

1// Always craft time with B.
2// Saying goodbye.
3// Attempting to pack.
4// Discovering.
5// First orientation day.
6// Celebrating turning 2.

Its so hard to get back into the swing of things when you haven't even made any effort in such a long time, I feel so fake with these little updates and I keep wanting to make these regular but I know that it cant be because I have no time with chasing all the three girls, work and trying to maintain our little section of the home we are currently living in somewhat presentable is hard.

Today I had to call in sick due to losing my voice, you know how hard it is to parent kids with whispers, well maybe some kids but differently not mine.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

How do you parent when you have so much sadness in your heart??

I feel so guilty that I have happy moment, that I simply forget what has happened,
tonight is another sad night, a night that guilt comes to play with all the things I could have done,
that I could have made more of a effort, that I could have spent new years eve with him, that I shouldn't have gotten pissed that he didn't come to Bella's party.

Yes I was there to hold his hand towards the end but that wasn't and will never be enough,
I miss his voice.
I should have done more.