Tuesday, September 27, 2016

How do you parent when you have so much sadness in your heart??

I feel so guilty that I have happy moment, that I simply forget what has happened,
tonight is another sad night, a night that guilt comes to play with all the things I could have done,
that I could have made more of a effort, that I could have spent new years eve with him, that I shouldn't have gotten pissed that he didn't come to Bella's party.

Yes I was there to hold his hand towards the end but that wasn't and will never be enough,
I miss his voice.
I should have done more.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Taking Stock

Keeping stock is my favourite thing to do, I haven't done one in a while. 

Making : Toast
Cooking : Pasta with Egg for Chris.
Drinking : Green Tea
Reading: Natalie's Spring Newsletter
Deciding: To book a holiday to Bali for just us two or with the clan.
Wishing: So many little things.
Enjoying: Some alone time.
Waiting: For the sleepy bunny to come hit me.
Loving: My little family I created.
Considering: What to cook for lunch tomorrow.
Buying: Dorothy the Dino concert tickets.
Hoping: A easier recovery for a loved one.
Needing: A hug.
Smelling: Coconut and Lime candle. 
Wearing: Cosy jumpers + work pants.
Thinking: Memories.
Admiring: My children and the ease they accept things.
Getting: Cold toes this cool spring night.
Disliking: The pile of washing I need to organise and wash.
Opening: Too many bills.
Feeling: A little sad.
Hearing: The rail drops on the tin roof 
Forgetting: A little to many things.
Embracing: early morning raises to get my workouts in before work + life.

Friday, September 09, 2016

I've been struggling so much recently with trying to juggle family and work life.

Its so hard for me to find a balance in them both, to not feel guilty about working all of the hours that I do and then not feel guilty about asking to cut down those hours because I want to be with my children more than to be a work more.

I feel so detached from everything, like I don't fit in with my own family and I don't fit in with the people I work with, it feels like everything always changes in those hours I am in gone and I tend to miss things that are important from both.

I wish the whole balance thing was much easier to figure out.

Friday, September 02, 2016

Swimming in the Great Barrier Reef.

It was something I never really thought about.
Something I never thought I would ever actually get to do but we did, on the Monday that just passed we boarded a day cruise from Cairns Marina to a pontoon located in the Great Barrier Reef.
I had never seen such blue water and so many fish in the wild getting in with flippers and snorkel gear to look at everything was such an amazing experience. 
The two smalls refused to get into the children/toddler section because if had fishes inside it but Bella became brave and went snorkeling with Chris all around the allocated section, looking and taking photos of what she saw under the water taking in as much as she could to go back to school and tell her friends.

Dani and Gabi feeding the fish
Fish eating the food
Chris' flippers
Bella my view
Bella Chris' view
Under water coral
Purple cral and blue fish