Friday, July 07, 2017

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


My brains in a fog that I can not shift, it's one that's come and gone throughout these years as a mother but has now overstayed it's welcome, at night it tells me all the things I've failed as a mother, partner, daughter and human.  

In the morning it tells me why bother exercising if you'll always stay the same.To feel better I eat chocolate because then I don't have to talk about my problem for that moment.

It's so much easier to tell everyone I'm okay when inside my brain is scream noooo I need your help, my sadness is consuming me each day a little more.
It's gotten slightly worse since my uncle's passing, 9 months of this massive internal knot that gets tighter as I hold my tears back. 
I have so much regret, so much anger with everything to do with his passing and even though I feel this way I still have to get up everyday and continue like nothing.

Being a parent right now is the hardest thing for me, so much has changed that I can't even focus on it all. 
Why do kids grow???

In July marks 10 years since being a parent and I still have no idea what I am doing.

Monday, May 29, 2017


I'm very grateful that I was able to spend Sunday at home, watching all three girls play around in the front yard and enjoying the suns warmth against my skin.
It still didn't feel like winter was coming but that changed this morning, we now have 1 child at home sick with a tummy bug and most likely the flu too as the two younger ones seemed to have over come it during the weekend thank god really.

Nothing worse than having a sick child.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Wednesday, April 05, 2017


Today you turned 5,  
you woke up early all excited about going into school so your friends could sing you happy birthday.